Thursday, July 23, 2009

I have been delightfully lazy and deliciously lax about posting on this blog. However, life has not exactly been uneventful.

The mouse incident tormented us for almost a month. Like their human counterparts, American rats are extremely persevering and clever. So much so, that my rat (yes! I have become possessive about it!) evaded rat traps, consumed my biscuits but avoided the rat poison. When it did not find any food in the kitchen, it vented its anger by chewing the insulation in my oven and made my kitchen very very messy. Like a true jungle animal, the rat also marked it territory by leaving its droppings around a section of the living room. Ugh! Why am I discussing this? I finally exploded and spoke to the apartment manager. I do not know what he did, but within a week’s time, there was no trace of the rat and my food was safe once more. Moreover, he even called me up to inform that the rat had been captured. Say, it takes an American mind to catch an American mouse.

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Meanwhile, I have been trying to lose weight without any success. The parents and I have been visiting all sorts of places and the part of travelling which scares me is taking photographs. My face resembles a carved pumpkin in all the photographs and the losing weight may show a 'Ray' of hope. So, armed with a TV channel guide, I have selected a time when ‘Everybody Loves Raymond’ is aired and visit the gym to burn a few calories while gaping at Ray Romano and his extended family. Working out takes a back seat but I enjoy my thirty minutes to mind refreshing comedy.

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“Pardesi pardesi jana nahi. Mujhe chhod ke…” – only these days I sing the same song substituting the word ‘Pardesi’ with ‘Desi’. I have posted ads all over the Internet looking for a “female” flat-mate. I am not racially prejudiced, but I would prefer an Indian female, because of the cultural familiarity. Unfortunately all the responses were from “male” desis and even a few “pardesi” males. None of them had any issues rooming with me and for a while it seemed as if I was being very fussy, considering that I was faced with a plethora of choices. I finally managed to attract an Indian family who wanted the entire apartment, or so I thought. Just when I made all arrangements to move out to a different accommodation, they backed out of their plan. Sigh sob. Is there anyone out there???

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Pesky, irritating office colleagues are getting increasingly curious about my personal life and where I see myself a month from now, three months from now, one year from now and for eternity. I believe this is a clear indication that a) they do not have enough work to occupy their time b) they have exhausted all their curiosity about the rest of the lambs in office and have finally turned to me c) they don’t think I am capable of carrying a conversation about any topic which may be of general interest. That does not augur too well for me, so I have decided to make the best $33 investment of my life. I am joining a speaking club, so that I can learn the art of talking back to the curious gawkers and nosy parkers who want to know what size clothes my teddy bears wear. I shall be quick to answer and my witty sarcasms shall be the byword of the office. Beware!

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More on pesky colleagues, but this time he has made life unbearable for me even without speaking to me. A certain gentleman who sits in the cubicle across the aisle speaks English with an accent that is simultaneously horrible and fake. What’s more, he speaks very loudly over the phone and he seems to be on the phone all day. He claims to be a DBA (database administrator) but I have never seen or heard him do anything remotely related to work. To my embarrassment, I discovered that he speaks my mother tongue Bengali and I can follow every word of his conversation. I have let it be known that I speak and understand Bengali, but I don’t think he cares. So, by now I know everything about the ongoing divorce of a friend of his. I know how he and his wife feel about it. I also know that he thinks he is the soul of a party because every Thursday he calls up every Bengali denizen in town and plans a get-together with them. Sometimes I wish I could gag him up and leave him in the janitor’s room where he would be discovered after a day.

Life is not good to a girl…….