Saturday, June 02, 2007

What women want

What my mother needs is a nice, docile "homely" disciplined daughter-in-law who will help with the household work effortlessly, i.e. without appearing to slog herself. She will know exactly where the Kashmiri Mirch Masala is kept in the kitchen, without my mother telling her. She will know exactly when my mother is not feeling well and take the reins of the household and then hand it back dutifully when my mother feels Hitlerish again. She will know exactly what to say at the right moments, and act in every way to make my mother proud of her. She must be able to take decisions which please my mother. She must not irritate my mother with simple and silly questions like "For how many minutes should I set the microwave oven when trying to make shahi paneer with combination cooking?" She must be beautiful, intelligent, working in a great job (sadly, the definition of great is not clear - but from discreet circles, it has been determined that a great job is one where you have a cabin to yourself and a peon who serves you tea) She must must must know how to drive a car, operate a demat account, play atleast two obscure musical instruments, know the phone number of every specialist doctor in the country and appreciate Lebanese food.

Interested girls out there may respond to fedupmotherseekstoexchangeuselessdaughter@digyourowngrave.com

There is a small catch: My mother has no son.

6 comments:

stiletto said...

make that times 2

my mother is here for a few days(god is great)... and i know the pains... she wants to watch the latest films. Cinema halls are out since she does not feel like travelling and since the CD/ DVD versions are not out either, I am a useless daughter.

Debarshi said...

Mishty,
ask auntie to adopt a son-in-law:-).u can get trained in the kitchen part as well.as of job,etc is concerned, i guess u meet the criteria.

First Rain said...

I see where the road to perdition is going...

Oirpus said...

Hush now baby, baby, dont you cry.
Mother's gonna make all your nightmares come true.
Mother's gonna put all her fears into you.
Mother's gonna keep you right here under her wing.
She wont let you fly, but she might let you sing.
Mama will keep baby cozy and warm.
Ooooh baby ooooh baby oooooh baby,
Of course mama'll help to build the wall.

Mother do you think she's good enough -- to me?
Mother do you think she's dangerous -- to me?
Mother will she tear your little boy apart?
Mother will she break my heart?

Hush now baby, baby dont you cry.
Mama's gonna check out all your girlfriends for you.
Mama wont let anyone dirty get through.
Mama's gonna wait up until you get in.
Mama will always find out where you've been.
Mama's gonna keep baby healthy and clean.
Ooooh baby oooh baby oooh baby,
You'll always be baby to me.


Too may attributes for a daughter in law I guess... but of course there is no avoiding the fact that parents want the best of everything for their children... and btw I am a good cook u know ;-)

Swarnila said...

Anwesha do I take this
as your fear of Marriage :)

Perfect truth highlighted in polite way..well written

Anwesha Chatterjee said...

@stiletto: aah my partner in distress. any lucky with getting DVD's of unreleased movies?

@Pinku Da: Nooooooooooooooooo. Never!!!!!! I am really bad in the kitchen!

@First Rain: now you know the truth!!! :-)) things can't get worse than this you know!

@Oirpus: another classic example of Oirpusation! Well done!

@Swarnila: Er..fear of marriage?? Maybe...I am not sure, but perhaps you are right!